Funny quotes Quotes

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Carrie Snow

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.

Nicole Hollander

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.

Robert C. Gallagher

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Unknown

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Unknown

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realise how often they burst into flames.

Harry Hill

The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case.

George W. Bush

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit.

Bill Maher

God's last name is not "Dammit."

Unknown

A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be

Unknown

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Lily Tomlin

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

W.C. Fields

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns

I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them

George Bush

The hardest people to convince they are at retirement age are children at bedtime

Shannon Fife